Why is Emotion Regulation Talked About So Much?

Author: Verol Billett, KAHLE Team Lead (Healing)

Much focus is being given to the practice of regulation and why it is important we individually learn this skill and teach others how to do it, especially our children. 

In life, every single one of us will feel the full spectrum of emotions such as joy, sadness, anger, pride, disappointment, love, fear. One may even say that the list is endless. These feelings are normal and deeply human, even the “not so feel good” emotions. But what makes the difference between being overwhelmed by emotions and being able to thrive, even in hard times, is emotion regulation: the ability to notice what we’re feeling, understand it, and respond in a healthy way.This is not just a skill for children, for clients in therapy, or for people “struggling.” It’s a life skill for everyone. From parents to teachers, workers to leaders, young to the more experienced among us. We all need to learn to regulate emotions as it helps us live healthier lives, build stronger relationships, and create safer communities.

Emotion regulation: the ability to notice what we’re feeling, understand it, and respond in a healthy way

Why does it matter?

It matters simply because it makes and keeps us human. More specifically, it matters because: 

1. It keeps relationships strong. Unchecked anger or shame can destroy trust, but being able to pause and respond calmly builds understanding and connection.

2. It protects mental health. When we regulate our emotions, we reduce stress, anxiety, and burnout.

3. It supports learning and growth. A calm mind is a mind ready to problem-solve, create, and grow.

4. It models resilience. Children, youth, and peers learn by watching us. If they see us regulate well, they will be more likely to build the skill themselves.

How can you regulate? 

Learning to Name Our Emotions

Sometimes the hardest part of regulation is the first step: naming what we feel. This Jamaican-flavored KAHLE Journey Ltd Feelings Chart (see below) is a simple but powerful tool. By pointing to a picture and a phrase like “Mi vex!” (Angry) or “Mi spirit low” (Sad), children and adults alike can better recognize and express their emotions.

Try this: At the start of each day, or before a meeting, pause and ask: “Which of these feelings am I carrying right now?” Naming it helps reduce intensity and opens the door to healthier choices.

Practical Skills: Tuff It Out & Buil’

We would also like to introduce you to our Tuff It Out & Buil’ Series. This series is a Jamaicanized version of the Community Resiliencey Model which is aimed at helping persons to become trauma aware and contains six (6) easy, ready to use practical culturally relevant skills that can help all of us to build emotional strength and resilience. The skills are as follows:

• Check YuhSelf: When emotions rise, give yourself permission to stop, breathe, and cool off before reacting. Even 30 seconds can make a difference. Always do this before doing any of the other skills. 

• Use Weh You Have & Tun It Up:  Keep a “coping toolbox” of things that calm you—listening to music, going for a walk, writing down your thoughts, or stretching. Use them often.

• Hol’ A Medz: Inhale slowly, exhale longer, and imagine roots grounding you to the earth. This simple breathing pattern calms the body and slows racing thoughts.

• Move Wid Di Vibz: Think about and do movements/gestures to help to change how you feel. Think about what you do when you feel happy, excited, calm and do it when you feel down. 

• Duh Suppm!: There are many things we can do in a moment to feel better eg. Scream, take a walk, drink some cold water or hot tea. However, sometimes we need some help to be reminded. As such, it is good to let members of your tribe know what they can do to assist. 

• Switch It Up!:  Once we get to know these skills, once we Check Ourselves, we can then pull on any of the skills based on the situation and what we feel we need at the moment. 

  
  

Speaking Up Until Someone Hears

As a community, we also need to listen better. When someone says “Mi heart heavy” (Hurt) or “It a guh alright?” (Worried), that’s our cue to lean in, offer support, and connect them to help if needed.

When We Ignore Cries for Help

Too often, when someone expresses despair, depression, or simply says “Mi cyaah manage”, those around them may turn away, change the subject, or pretend not to hear. This usually isn’t because they don’t care—it’s because they feel discomfort, fear, or awkwardness. People may worry:

• “What if I say the wrong thing?”

• “What if I can’t fix their problem?”

• “It’s too heavy, I don’t know how to respond.”

But ignoring a cry for help can deepen someone’s pain and isolation. What feels like self-protection for us can feel like rejection for them.

How to Overcome the Discomfort

1. Listen, Don’t Fix. You don’t need the perfect answer. Sometimes the most healing words are simple: “Mi hear yuh” or “Mi deh yah fi yuh.”

2. Normalize Hard Feelings. Remind them that it’s okay to feel sad, overwhelmed, or lost. These are part of being human.

3. Stay Present. Even if it feels awkward, your presence shows they are not alone. Silence, nodding, or sitting nearby can all be powerful.

4. Guide to Help. You don’t need to have all the solutions. Point them to a counselor, trusted elder, teacher, or hotline. Encourage professional support.

5. Check-In. A simple follow-up—“How you holding up today?”—can remind someone they matter and are remembered.

Emotion regulation is not just about calming yourself. Sometimes the healthiest step is reaching out for help. If you’re struggling, speak up. Tell a friend, family member, teacher, or counselor: “I’m not okay.” If the first person does not listen, speak out again. Keep talking until someone hears you and offers support. Silence can make pain heavier. Sharing lightens the load and opens the door for solutions.

Final Word

Emotion regulation is not about avoiding feelings but rather, it is about learning to carry them wisely.

With tools like the Feelings Chart and practices from Tuff It Out & Buil’, we can all get better at handling life’s ups and downs. And remember: Your feelings are actually your business but there is nothing that says we can’t ask for help or do it alone.

Speak up, reach out, and keep talking until help comes. Let us normalize this together: strong people regulate, strong people share, strong people seek help.

For more insightful articles, visit KAHLE Blog Posts.